Question of the Week: Should I Get Back with My Ex?

Every week we choose one question from a community member to answer here on the blog. This week we heard from Zoe, who is having a relationship dilemma and doesn’t know whether she should give her ex a second chance.

Q – Please help! My ex-boyfriend and I broke up around six months ago, after four years together. Recently he got in touch, and we met up for a drink. He told me he really misses me and thinks we made a mistake by breaking up. I still love him and I miss him so much, but I don’t know if us getting back together is a good idea. Do you have any advice? Love, Zoe.

A – Hi Zoe,

Thanks so much for your question. That is a tricky situation that people face all the time, but none of us really know the answer to. Unfortunately, there is no straight-forward ‘yes you should’, or ‘no you shouldn’t’, answer to this; there are a number of different things that could affect whether it’s a good idea or not. Only you and your ex can answer the question, and even you might not know for sure if you’re right. However, there are some things to consider that might make the decision easier for you. Here are the questions you should ask yourself if you’re considering getting back together with your ex.

Why did you break up?

The very first thing you need to ask yourself is why did you break up in the first place? Was it because of a fight that got out of hand and resulted in a break up simply because emotions were running high? We tend to feel overly dramatic when we’re angry or upset and can make hasty decisions we come to regret later. If this is the case, maybe it is worth another shot, now that tempers have cooled and the argument is no longer valid.

However, if the reason you broke up was something different, such as incompatibility or fundamentally different values or goals, you need to consider carefully; has anything changed? Has the thing that made you decide to go your separate ways been resolved, or is it something that you’ve decided you can live with? If there was a solid reason that you broke up, such as one person wanting children and the other not, or maybe one person wanting to live in an area the other person dislikes, then you need to think logically; if the issue still exists, and it is still something that you disagree on, then it will probably continue to cause problems down the line.

When you miss somebody, you tend to look at the past through rose-tinted glasses, and only see the good times and not the bad. However, if you get back together with the issue still being present, you’ll soon find that once the honeymoon period is over, the issue will probably raise its head once more. If you think the issue can be solved, then go for it. However, if it’s something that you will never be able to agree on, it probably means that one person will end up resenting the other, and that is not a good basis for a healthy relationship.

Are you doing it for the right reasons?

When we’re heartbroken and missing somebody, getting back together seems like the easiest thing to do, and sometimes it is. Relationships are like habits; they’re hard to break. As good as your reasons for breaking up may have been, once you’re hurt and alone, it is easy to convince yourself that they’re not that important and that all you want to be is back in the safety and comfort of that old, familiar relationship.

When considering whether you should get back together with an ex, you should thoroughly examine your life as it is, while you’re single, and your reasons for wanting to go back to that relationship. Is it simply because you’re lonely, and you miss having company? Or are you simply craving the physical side of the relationship, and confusing that desire for something more? Before you make any decisions, really question your motivations, and be completely honest with yourself.

Will the relationship add something to your life?

Many people wrongly think that you must be in a relationship to be truly happy and fulfilled. Though relationships bring us joy, love, companionship and so much more, it is possible to be happy without one. Many people are happily single, and feel very content and fulfilled without a significant other. Sure, most people aren’t single forever, but it is important to feel happy and content with your life while you’re on your own.

Whilst deciding whether or not to rekindle your old flame, you should consider what that person and the relationship will bring to your life. A good relationship is more than somebody to simply sit and watch TV with; relationships should help us grow and flourish. They should be uplifting and inspiring, and both people should feel as though they are benefitting from the relationship.

If you don’t think you’ll be any better off in the relationship than out of it, then what is the point? There could be somebody you haven’t yet met who is destined to bring joy, happiness and a whole wealth of other things to your life. If you tread water in the same relationship that doesn’t serve you and your life, you’re robbing yourself of other opportunities.

Relationships are complicated, and there is never a straightforward answer to matters of the heart. The only people who know if a relationship is wrong or right are those who are in it. However, considering these three questions should help you think about the relationship more logically, and will help you decide if this is a good or bad decision. Good luck, and I hope that whatever happens, you find love and happiness.

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The Power of Positive Affirmations

We have written before about the power of the Law of Attraction, and how our thoughts have a profound effect on our lives; if you think positively, positive things will more likely happen to you, and vice versa. Positive affirmations are a simple but powerful tool to help you harness this power by boosting your confidence and injecting you with positivity.

Just by taking a few minutes each day to focus on positive affirmations, you can drastically change your thoughts and feelings about the situations and challenges that you face on a day-to-day basis. But what are positive affirmations, and how do they work? Here we look at how you can use these simple but powerful words to change your life for the better.

What are Positive Affirmations?

Simply put, positive affirmations are short phrases or statements, designed to give the speaker a confidence boost, and banish negative thoughts and emotions. However, they are more than just a few words; positive affirmations provide us with little moments of powerful energy and courage, and repeating these affirmations to ourselves means that these moments get longer and longer, until the thoughts become automatic, and the feelings of courage and confidence are permanent, improving our lives exponentially.

The word affirmation is rooted in the Latin affirmare, which means ‘strengthen’, and this is exactly what affirmations to for us. By repeating these positive and encouraging words to ourselves, we are giving ourselves the strength and courage to face the challenges in our life head on, and tackle them with confidence and the belief in ourselves and our ability to beat them.

Affirmations help us believe in our potential; by repeatedly telling ourselves that we can do something, it makes the potential for that dream to manifest into a reality increase. The more we believe in ourselves, the more likely we are to go for what we want, and thus, the more likely it is that our dreams will come true.

How Can I Use Positive Affirmations?

Using positive affirmations could not be easier. All you need to do is to dedicate a few minutes each day to focus on yourself and your dreams. The first step is to decide what it is that you want to achieve; what are your goals, and how are you going to achieve them?

Once you know what it is you want to do, you need to believe that you can do it. For this, you need a positive affirmation to suit the goal. The affirmation should be short, to the point, and easy to remember. It should have strong, positive words that fill you with confidence and self-belief. For example, if what you want is to take strides in your career, you could use, “I am talented and hardworking, and I will succeed.” Or, if you are looking to thrive in the relationship department, you could say, “I am worthy of love, and I will find it.”

You can either create your own affirmation, or you can use an existing one. There are countless positive affirmations already in existence that you can adopt as your own; a simple internet search will provide thousands to choose from. Make sure to choose one that is relevant to your goal; if you choose a generic phrase that doesn’t really have any meaning to you or what you want to achieve, it won’t do a very good job of keeping you motivated and uplifted.

Once you have chosen your affirmation, or affirmations – multiple goals or dreams can require multiple words of encouragement – there are a number of ways to incorporate these into your daily life. The first thing you need to do is to write down your chosen affirmations, and keep them where you will see them on a regular basis. Many people stick them around their house where they will see them every day; stick them on your mirror, or on the fridge, any place you frequent and will put you in regular contact with them.

The next step is to get into the habit of  using these phrases every day. A popular method is to take a few minutes each day to repeat them to yourself. Many people stand in front of the mirror and say the affirmations to themselves whilst looking at their reflection. It is believed this helps you to instill the confidence and belief in yourself, because you can see yourself saying the words and therefore are more likely to believe them.

Another good way to really ingrain these words into both your conscious and subconscious mind is to meditate on them. Instead of focusing on emptying your mind of thoughts when you meditate, focus on these words, and what they mean to you. Picture the words turning into actions, and the feeling of happiness and accomplishment you will feel once you have achieved your dreams. Concentrate on your methods and how you will achieve these goals, and create a plan to go out and get what you want.

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Question of the Week: How to Make a Big Life Change

Once a week, we take a question from one of our community members and answer it here on the blog. For our first Question of the Week of 2018, we chose this topical question from Carla, who wants to make a big life change this year but is feeling overwhelmed. Here is our advice on how to take that leap.

Q – Hi, I’m Carla. Happy New Year! I was wondering if you had any advice for me. As it’s new year, I’ve been thinking about my life and what I want to achieve. I’ve been wanting to make some changes for a while but I’ve been too scared, but I’ve finally decided that this is the year I do it. I’ve been offered a promotion at work that requires me to move to a different city. They gave me time to think about it and I was going to turn it down, but I’ve decided to be brave and go for it. I’m feeling a little overwhelmed about what’s in store though, and I’m not sure how I’m going to make such a big move on my own. Please give me any tips you have! Thanks.

A – Hi Carla,

Happy New Year! First of all, congratulations on the promotion. What a great way to start the brand new year! Of course, taking a step up at work and making a big move personally at the same time must seem extremely daunting! I can completely understand your hesitation; it’s only natural to be nervous about making so many life-changing moves at once. However, the changes are definitely positive, and I think you’ll be so happy once you take the leap. Here is our advice for how to tackle such big, life-changing decisions.

Trust Yourself

First and foremost, it’s important that you trust yourself and your gut. We all have a gut instinct that can give us strong, clear messages about the situations in which we find ourselves. However, many people choose to ignore this feeling because they’re scared or convinced that it can’t be trusted.

Our gut feeling comes from our sub-conscience, and the stronger your connection to your spiritual self, the stronger these feelings will be. Take some time to listen to yourself and how you are feeling about these decisions. Despite being nervous and wary about moving, do you feel in your gut that this decision would be a good one for you and your life? If so, take the leap!

Write down your fears and face them

When we have fears, they can often grow and spiral out of control when we think about them too much. Our imaginations often cause these fears to develop from a small worry to a big, overwhelming issue that causes us to panic. The important thing is to face these fears head on and shut them down before they get out of control and stop us from living our best life.

A great way to do this is to write them down. Make a list of all of the reasons you’re scared to make this decision; maybe you’re worried you won’t do well in your new role; or you’re scared about being alone in a new place. Whatever it is, write it down so that you can see it. Once it’s down on paper and out of your head, it is easy to get a little perspective, and these things we seem much less scary. Then, give it a few days, and then go back to that list. You’ll likely find that once you’ve stopped obsessing about them, that they seem like much smaller issues.

Take small steps

When you’re facing a big life change, it can be difficult to know where to start. This makes it seem even more overwhelming and stressful, when it doesn’t need to be. The best way to tackle this is to break it down, and take small, individual steps.

To make your big change, what little changes do you need to make? Break the process into small, individual action points. In your situation, Carla, the first thing is to accept the job. Once you’ve done that, a lot of the other things will probably fall into place, and your company will most likely assist you with your move, both professionally and personally. Once you’ve made the first decision, move onto the next step. How long until you start in your new position? Where will you live? How much money do you need to make the move? Make a list of everything you need to do, and focus on one thing at a time.

Remember that you’re in control of your life

It’s important to remember that you are in control of yourself and your life. You’re in the situation where you’re making these decisions and changes now because you’ve worked hard and have been rewarded for your actions by being given a promotion. You control if you take the job, and you control how well you will do in your new role.

However, what happens if you don’t like the change? Though unlikely, what would happen if your fears about the move came true? Perhaps you don’t like your new city, or don’t feel like the new position is right for you. Does that mean you’re stuck, and have to just live with it? Of course not! Remember, you are in control of your life, and if you don’t like something, you can change it.

The likelihood is that this move will be a positive one, and that in a few months, you will look back and wonder what it was you were scared of. However, if not, remember that you have the power to change your life once more. Whatever happens, good luck!

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Spiritual New Year’s Resolutions for 2018

2018 is upon us, and the new year brings with it a sense of freshness and opportunity. Many people around the world use the 1st January as a milestone to make changes in their life for the better by making new year’s resolutions.

Though these resolutions are made with good intentions, they are rarely kept much longer than a few weeks, or even days. If you want to make a resolution for 2018, try to choose something different to the predictable ‘lose weight’, or ‘workout every day’; though your health is obviously important and you should try to keep good habits, there are also other things to focus on too. Try to choose resolutions that will bring joy and meaning to your life. Here are our suggestions for some spiritual new year’s resolutions.

Choose a word for the year

A good way to help you focus on having the best year possible is to choose a word or a theme to focus on. This idea has become very popular over the last few years, and it has helped many people stay on track.

It could be anything from a single word, to a favourite quote, or even just a general idea. For example, you could choose to center your year around the world ‘love’, or ‘honesty’. Or you could focus on family, or friendship. Perhaps you want to advance in your career, so you could choose ‘productivity’, or ‘self-confidence.’ Simply having one idea to focus on can help you stay on track and not be distracted from what is important to you. If one idea or word is too difficult to choose for the entire year, you could choose a different word for each month.

Take more time for yourself

Our lives are very busy, and it can be easy to put our family, friends, jobs and other responsibilities before ourselves a lot of the time. However too much can take its toll, and you may find yourself burned out if you don’t take some much needed time for yourself.

Try to schedule a little time for yourself every day, even if it’s just 30 minutes. This time should be spent on doing something just for you. It could be having a relaxing bath, or reading your favourite book, or even working on a hobby or skill that you’ve always wanted to learn. You could take a class, or catch up with a friend. Anything that brings you a little bit of joy every day is a good idea.

Focus on the positives

When there is so much going on in the world, it can be easy to focus on the negative and upsetting things, and lose sight of the good things. This can be incredibly emotionally draining and take a toll on your happiness. Make a promise to yourself this year to focus on the positives in life, rather than the negatives.

There are a few different ways to ensure that you remember the good things that happened throughout the year. One idea is a gratitude journal, in which you write down something you are grateful for every day. Another good idea is a ‘happiness jar’; simply get an empty jar or container, and fill it with happy memories. Write them on pieces of paper, or print photos, or even add in concert tickets or other mementos.

At the end of the year, you will be able to empty the jar and enjoy looking back at all of the great things that have happened over the last 12 months. You will most likely find that the good outweighs the bad.

Leave the past behind you

We all have things in our past that have affected us and we find hard to forget. However, holding on to bad memories or a grudge against somebody who has wronged you, only harms yourself. Use this new year as a fresh start, and leave what happened to you in the past.

Letting go of something heavy brings such relief that you can even feel it physically; you feel lighter and more free. Letting go of negativity and practicing forgiveness gives you the freedom to take positive steps forward, and move on with your life without a weight slowing you down.

Get more in touch with your spiritual self

We all have a spiritual self; some people are naturally in touch with their subconscious, while some are able to fine-tune this connection through a little focus and practice. Being in touch with your spiritual self has endless positive effects on your life, so make it a goal this year to deepen that connection.

Regular meditation can help strengthen your connection to your spiritual self. The best meditators have a set routine; they often meditate twice a day, once in the morning at sunrise, and once in the evening. Obviously, this isn’t possible for most people, but once a day is a good goal to aim for. Set up a dedicated, quiet space, and give yourself time to focus solely on the meditation and connection to your subconscious.

Once you begin meditating regularly, you will find yourself naturally more in tune with your subconscious. You will find it easier to make decisions, because you will have more confidence in your gut feelings, and will be more sure of what is right for you and your life.

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